Ask Emma

Q: My boyfriend is such a mama’s boy. We’ve been dating for five years on and off, and each time when it comes to the question of marriage, he can’t make himself take the final step because of his mother. She doesn’t like me and she doesn’t want us to get married. We broke up several times because I walk away each time he backs out of it again, but then we get together through our mutual friends and continue dating until the next big talk. He always says his mom wouldn’t survive our marriage. That’s what she told him. She’s so manipulative! I only met the woman once, but she hates my guts. I don’t understand why, and she is not even close, she lives far away from us. She doesn’t seem to care much that he lives in my apartment when we are together. Why can’t she leave us alone, and what can I do to change her mind?
A: I am not so sure that his mother is the one who does not want you two to get married. If you only met her once, why not try to make her know you better, and let’s say, start a regular correspondence with her, updating her on the latest events in the life of her beloved son? No mother on earth would reject an opportunity to know more about her child’s everyday life while the child is far away. Through a nice email exchange, you could probably win her heart. But… she might not even know about your marital plans. It sounds like your boyfriend is using his mother as an excuse. There are plenty of indecisive young (and old) men out there, who like to live in their girlfriend’s apartments and be treated like beloved husbands without any obligations. With those characters, there are only two options—you either live together and forget about marriage, or you dump him for good. If he does not want to lose you, he’ll marry you despite his mother.