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Question: My husband I are friends with two other couples. We, the wives, often plan different outings together. Out of those two wives, I feel much closer to X, and like spending time with her and her husband, while I don’t care much for Y. However, every time I offer to do something together with X, she says, “Let’s call Y,” so we always end up having her in our company. Recently, I found out that X had planned a weekend outing with Y and their respective husbands, but she did not include me and my husband. It hurt me deeply, and now I can’t make myself talk to her as if nothing happened. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I can hardly contain myself keeping quiet about it. X never offered any explanations or apologies. Should I confront her about this?
Answer: You have to take this reality bite at its face value. Apparently, X feels closer to Y than to you. Should she feel guilty about the situation, she would’ve offered some explanations or apologies, and it would’ve been up to you to forgive and forget and to save the friendship. Be wise and don’t demand any explanations. You don’t have to pretend that nothing happened, but you don’t want to appear rude or needy. My advice is to withdraw from any communication for a while and see what happens. If your friends miss you, they will try to win you back. If not, then you’ll know you are not their friend anymore. You can’t force friendship. Make new friends and forget about X and Y.