Ask Emma

Q: During our anniversary dinner, my husband toasted me for being a woman he never wanted to cheat on. His toast made me feel guilty. I wish I could say the same about my feelings for him, but... I did have affairs with other men in the second or third year of our marriage. Those were purely sexual relationships, and never lasted long. Now, after we’ve spent many years together, I wish I could be a good wife to my husband. However, the past is not easy to discard. Several times I tried to talk to him and confess about my past slips, and I never could go through with it. He is so trusting, so kind, so confident in our relationship, I don’t know how to handle this topic. What should I do?A: What you should do is keep your mouth shut. You are feeling guilty? Suffer. By confessing to your husband about past affairs you will only spread the suffering and impose your wrongdoings on an innocent man who deserves better. At least, that’s how he presents himself with flattering toasts and, I assume, other wonderful things he does for you, his dear wife. To repay his kindness and, dare I say, blindness, you can be as kind, loving and attentive to him as you possibly can, and that would suffice. Should you decide otherwise, before you open your Pandora’s box, think about all those other things you might also feel guilty for. You never bullied your siblings or childhood friends, never yelled at your mother, never been rude to a customer service rep? If you are not rushing in with apologies and confessions to those poor souls, please leave your husband in his blissful ignorance and carry on the guilt.