Ask Emma

Q: I am a 26-year-old man. I live at home, with my parents and my younger brother. I hate it, but I can’t afford my own place. I am at school, and I work part time. My girlfriend is a college freshman; she lives in her dorm. When I go out with her, my mom asks me when I am going to be back. She says she worries when it’s late and I’m not at home. I have to think about it and try not to make her worry. My dad tells me that I have to follow the rules because I live under their roof. He treats me like a five-year-old. He yells at me and sends me to my room if I say anything that irritates him. I have to go to church with them and visit relatives who I don’t like. I have to do domestic chores to keep them quiet. If I ever say no, I won’t hear the end of it. Trust me, I loath myself. All I want is to get them off my back, but I have no idea how.
A: From what I hear from you, you can’t be left alone in your parents’ house. I hope you understand that your irritable father and your neurotic mother won’t change. I don’t think they are enjoying your presence, either. Typically, relationships between grown children and their parents improve proportionate to the distance between them. Now, let’s think what do you have to sacrifice for that sweet freedom you are craving. Your measly earnings and your mom’s home cooked meals—is it too much to ask? Pull all your finances together and find a hole in the wall with eight roommates. You will suffer from some well-known communal living inconveniences, but none of your cohabitants will give a sneeze about your whereabouts or the time you come home. Since you seem thoroughly ashamed of being sent to your room for disobedience at you age (and rightfully so), I hope you’ll start screening “roommate wanted” ads this very minute. It’s time to be a man, my boy.