Ask Emma

Question: I am afraid of my ability to lose patience with my own child. I have a beautiful three year old, who manages to ignite me with some natural things like sloppiness or not being able to react quickly enough to my demands. My child is no more stubborn or argumentative than any other of the same age, but for some reason I get irritated so much that I yell and sometimes even slap a poor child, which I regret so deeply thereafter. What can I do to change it?
Answer: You’ve already made the first step toward changing your behavior by acknowledging the problem. Your violent reaction to your child’s mishaps is a much more common case in young parents than you can imagine. Not everybody is able to admit that they use physical force with their small children while fully understanding how wrong and damaging it is for both parties. The next step would be to review your daily activities and see what causes this tremendous stress. Are you being constantly overwhelmed, running late, grasping for more time, or, to the contrary, feeling dulled and bored with the same routine day after day? In any case, some advance planning should help. Try to incorporate something to look forward to into your every day. It can be a cartoon you watch together with your child, a visit to a bakery to buy and share a treat, or planting seeds together in a pot on your windowsill. Build your child’s expectations around the activity, and enjoy it together amid your busy schedule. When your child is having a nap, don’t engage into laundry or cleaning, but talk to a friend, have a cup of tea in front of a TV, or give yourself a manicure. Learn how to relax on your own and how to enjoy your child’s company. Also, try to avoid stimulants and learn about stress relieving techniques. Please remember that these years when your child needs and appreciates your company are really a precious few.