Ask Emma

Question: My daughter is going out with a guy who I find too old for her. He is not a bad person, but the age difference is huge. He could have been my boyfriend, if you ask me. He takes her out to eat to nice places; gives her gifts, and recently they agreed to go on vacation together during her school break. No matter what I say she does as she pleases and continues seeing him. I am very distressed and want to stop this madness, but I have no idea what to tell her to make her see what I see. He is no match for her, and if she marries him, very soon he will be good for nothing. Answer: I assume your daughter is over 18, and is not considered your dependent any more. In this case you don’t have much leverage to influence her decisions. However, even if she is an independent adult, you can still voice your opinion in an agreeable and polite way, not provoking her to do anything just in spite of you. Grown up children often act adversely, but they are still listening to their mothers’ advice, even if they don’t always follow it. If your daughter and her boyfriend have marital plans and will go through with those plans, rejoice and participate with all your heart. Their love might be for real, and you wouldn’t want to stay in the way of your daughter’s happiness. More importantly, though, make sure there is no place for jealousy and envy in your own heart. These feelings don’t suit the mother of the bride.