Ask Emma

Question: I don’t make friends easily, so I stick with my two old girlfriends. We spend time together at least twice a month, but our meetings are getting more haphazard. One of my girlfriends is married and is not interested in meeting guys. Another one is a single mother. On weekends, when her mom is babysitting for her, she’s up to any adventure. I feel like I’m caught up in the middle. I have a boyfriend, and we both enjoy my married friend’s and her husband’s company, but I also like to go on a wild goose chase with my single friend when I have an opportunity. I feel I should explain to my married friend that the rest of us don’t like to spend a Saturday night in a nice cafe having an old girls’ talk. We’d rather be at a club where people are drinking and dancing. She has a choice of playing along or staying at home. How can I do it not to hurt her feelings?
Answer: In a private talk, tell your married friend that while you are happy for her and consider her lucky, you and the single friend are still looking for Mr. Right, and need your freedom to explore the random opportunities at wine bars and dance clubs. She might not realize the need and the urgency that drives you to seek adventure. (I gather you and your boyfriend are in an open relationship or he just asks to be cheated upon). Schedule a different evening for a girls’ talk with her if she’s not up to a singles bar trip. I don’t see any reason for old friends to part or offend each other just because their love interests differ. By not talking to your married friend earnestly you already offend her and risk your long-term friendship.