Ask Emma

Question: I grew up in a family with six children. All my brothers and sisters live out of state now, so I’m the only one who lives at home with Mom. After my dad died last year, she became very frail, and needs care almost 24/7. I work part time and do everything around the house, while my other siblings call from time to time and not one of them showed up so far to help me take care of Mom. How can I make them take on some responsibility?
Answer: Your siblings surely have their own work, families, and perhaps, small children. It might not be easy for them to come over on a regular basis to help you take care of your mother. However, they most likely would offer help they can afford. Ask who can come over for a long weekend or for a week and provide physical help, and who can send money so you would be able to hire help. Approach this situation from a practical standpoint, and tell your brothers and sisters exactly what you think they could do. If it sounds unreasonable to them to leave their homes and come stay with you and Mom, don’t ask for that. Money and services they can provide from a distance will serve you better than unrealistic demands and bitterness.