Ask Emma

Question: To my horror, I recently discovered that my daughter sleeps with her boyfriend. I can’t talk about it with anybody, not even with my husband. She’s underage, that’s enough to say. I trusted this guy because he is even younger than her. I would never imagine he would be having sex with her right in my house! She confided in me because she had a scare, you know what
I mean. It was just a scare, but everything else is a fact. I am at a loss. I have no idea what to do. Of course, I had a talk with the guy, and he’s not allowed into the house, but what’s going to happen next?
Answer: Next, you’ll have a calm and reasonable talk with your daughter, preferably in the presence of her pediatrician. Of course, you should explain to her first that a medical professional will give her an advice without being too personal or judgmental. You will tell your daughter that she’ll always have your support and compassion no matter what. She confided in you because she trusted you and because she hoped to learn from you. Use this opportunity to ease her anxiety and to educate her on safe sex, not to make her feel even worse and perhaps resort to desperate or unreasonable actions next time around. What happened is not a plague, but a natural occurrence, if a bit too early. Don’t tell me you could not imagine it. You just preferred not to. And yeah, don’t be surprised if your decision to separate your daughter and her boyfriend will result in them secretly dating elsewhere. She grew up too fast, but she is still your daughter, and I suggest you don’t push her away.