Ask Emma

Question: My daughter and son-in-law work long hours and can’t spend much time with my adorable grandchildren, a girl of 6 and a boy of 2. They hired a live-in nanny, but every so often they ask me how I would like to quit my job, move in with them and take care of the children. The nanny is great for the job, but my daughter seems concerned with her children’s attachment to her. Our little boy seems especially taken with her, and even when his parents are present, he looks for his nanny and prefers to be held and fed by her. This good nanny doesn’t come cheap, so it’s another concern. My daughter says she would like me to enjoy my grandchildren’s affection, and to save some money, but I am not ready to quit my job, and I have my doubts about moving in with them. We maintain a great relationship now, but I am not sure it would last should we all live under one roof.
Answer: Trust your instincts and don’t fall for false premises. A good nanny is an asset, and a child can never have too much love. Your daughter is very lucky, so please tell her she should appreciate her nanny and the peace of mind she enjoys thanks to the current arrangement. She doesn’t want to lose that, and you don’t want to lose your independence and your status of a loving grandma who has her own life. Should you become your grandchildren’s live-in nanny, you’ll discover soon enough why good nannies are being paid all that money. You might also have some regrets, and shed some tears (that good hired help never shows off) but it will be too late. Don’t do that.