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Question: We just came home from vacation, and as usual brought back hundreds of photos. First, I decided to delete some old shots that haven’t been sorted out before, and took up so much of our computer memory. In the process, I stumbled upon some photos of my husband and a woman who I don’t know. They weren’t together in any of the pictures, rather each one taking a shot of another in front of a swimming pool and at a bar. Probably at some hotel. I can’t identify the location, but I think I know the time frame. At his previous job several years ago, my husband used to travel a lot for business. I feel shocked and upset. We love each other and I never thought of him cheating on me. I am holding it to myself for now, but I feel I can explode any minute. I want to know the truth, but don’t know how to confront him. If I ask directly, he might just lie. How can I make him admit it and ask for forgiveness? At least he owes me that much!
Answer: What happened years ago and did not hurt you then, is hurting you now. You want the truth, but you don’t know what truth is. If your husband were a habitual cheater, you would have known it for sure by now. If not with this woman then with another one, if not this time then the next, but the truth would have presented itself to you in all its ugliness. He is either faithful, or he is too good to get caught. In either case you have led a happy and secure married life next to him for years, right? Why risk it all now over some old pics? Should you be able to forget and forgive without bringing it up, your husband would never know about your discovery, so no conflict would ensue. Since you are feeling so strongly about this blast from the past which is in no way a proof of his infidelity, ask him about it calmly. Before you do, though, think that the woman could have been just a hotel guest that he met there and was attracted to. They might have gone to the bar, and even to the swimming pool, and that’s all. Think about your own old photos, and the way they might be interpreted.