Ask Emma

Question: My girlfriend of 7 years talks to me about marriage more and more often. I want to marry her, but not just yet. We are both in our mid-20s, busy with building our careers and establishing our credits. I don’t feel like it’s a good time to marry right now. I think I’ll be ready in 10 years or so. We live together, so we are practically married. It makes me angry when she implies that I don’t think about our future. I do. Just don’t want to rush into things. What’s her hurry?
Answer: You would like to wait until your mid-30s to marry, and there is nothing wrong with it (I don’t know why a capable male would marry at all). That is if you don’t mind marrying just any woman when the time comes. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you might not have your girlfriend of 7 years around by then. No woman in her right mind would take excuses after so many years of investing herself in a relationship. Her insistence on marriage is a sure sign that even if you think everything comes up roses, the level of stagnation in your relationship reached a point when your beloved is getting ready to wander away if her expectations are not being met. To make you feel better, consider the average marrying age – 30 and a half years old, so you are not too far off. If you are sure to stick with her and grow old together, would it kill ya to buy the girl a ring, throw her an engagement party and announce to the world that you are getting hitched in two or three years. Maybe, four or five. Not the best scenario, and not nag-proof either, but it might buy you at least a year to proceed with your career and other aspirations. If you won’t promise anything really soon, and won’t show that you are ready to commit, prepare for the loss of niceties and some agonizing growing apart. You say you think about your future together – then make sure she hears about it – she can’t read your mind. If you have doubts, it’s time to decide what you really want and move on. When a woman starts talking marriage, there is no way she would stop and become content again with the status quo. Either put your relationship to rest with a firm hand, or accept the inevitable like a man.